Saturday, 5 June 2010

Twilight fan in amusing Wolfman rant

This made me laugh this morning, so thanks to Mihir over at Fantasy Book Critic for the heads-up on this one.

Latino Review have posted an email they received from an irate Twilight fan, who was fuming at the fact that Universal's film The Wolfman 'gives the werewolves a bad name.' No, really. You can find the full email here.

Here's my favourite snippets:
This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a COMPLETE remaking of the Wolf Pack from the Twilight Saga: New Moon. It was a re-make of THE WOLFMAN, a film that was released in 1941. Hence the name.
It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some deformed mutation of a rabid dog.
No shit, Sherlock. That's kinda what werewolves are, or were, before Stephanie Meyer pissed all over several centuries of European folklore and changed them into ludicrously buff blokes that turn into cute, fluffy wolves.
That was until I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a "were wolf". I don't see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. 
Gee, I don't know how Universal can live with themselves either. I mean, they only distributed a film that reminded everyone what werewolves are MEANT to be like, and which is a re-make of THEIR OWN FILM.
How can a werewolf be killed with a silver bullet?
Because werewolves are mythical creatures, and folklore suggests weapons constructed from silver can harm them. Was that really so bloody hard to figure out for yourself?
Better yet, have you saw the transformation of the man that is "supposed" to be the wolf? He sits in some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak.
How inconsiderate of him. How dare he not pout moodily and flex his muscles beforehand.

So, there you have it. Universal are nefarious plagiarists that should be hung, drawn and quartered for ruining countless Twilight fans' precious werewolves. And let us state this clearly for future posterity: Stephanie Meyer INVENTED werewolves, and they look like this. Anyone that thinks werewolves actually look like this, and that they even EXISTED before Stephanie Meyer wrote the Twilight series, is a FILTHY LIAR.


Valashain said...

LOL! This post made my day :P

D-man said...

Had me laughing out loud at the screen this morning!

Unknown said...

Why all the sarcasm? This fan clearly knows his stuff, hence his eloquent and well-reasoned argument. And what are you saying, exactly? Is is *not* true that Stephanie Meyer invented werewolves?

Haters! :P

Unknown said...

WTF? I know Twitards are largely moronic, but this takes the cake. This is special. So special, in fact, I'm going to find a way to insert it into the intro to college argument class that I'm teaching this summer...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the giggle :-)

The Dude said...

I'd read that email before but I still laughed.

The thing that surprises me the most is that the email is written in proper English. Call me prejudiced, but I expect a Twilight fan to have the grammar skills of a 4 year old :)

The Art of Kim Kincaid said...

Sheesh...any hardcore Twilight fan should know that Jacob and his lot aren't werewolves. They're shapeshifters. Get a grip (and a life).
Great post, btw.

Adam Whitehead said...

This reminds me of the HARRY POTTER fans who got irate and accused Terry Pratchett of ripping off HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (published in 1997) by having a magical academy in EQUAL RITES (1987, although Unseen University first appeared in THE COLOUR OF MAGIC in 1983).

Pratchett pointed out the slight flaw in their logic, although also indicated that magical academies have a long and honourable history in fantasy (I think he mentioned LeGuin's EARTHSEA books as well) and he certainly didn't invent the idea.

Anonymous said...

Hey, James I'm sort of a new follower, but I HAD to comment on this post.

Seriously, this girl is either young (I'd say 12 or 13 years old) or just plain stupid (no offense) for thinking that Meyer wrote about werewolves first.

What's next? Dracula isn't supposed to turn into a bat and hate the sunlight, but instead sparkle?

Very intriguing read and cool post. Write on!

Anonymous said...

This is hysterical! Thanks for posting!

Eeleen Lee said...

makes me wonder if the pages of Twilight come infused with some IQ lowering substance that gets absorbed into the bloodstream through the skin, while reading

Mindy MacKay said...

I've seen this before and I'm still laughing. I have to wonder, though, are half the Twitards really serious about it or are they just trollin' us all?