Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
I'm going to just cut straight to the chase here: this is the worst film I've seen in a very long time. The last really bad movie I saw was the crap-tastic Pirates of the Caribbean 3, but that at least had one or two redeeming moments.
I'm a bit of a Predator/Alien geek, so I normally enjoy these sort of films. I actually saw the first AVP film in the cinema, and thought it was decent. Having watched it again on DVD (the UK recession has been good for one thing: dirt-cheap DVDs) I came to the same conclusion - it's not big or clever, but it was decent entertainment.
There was some sort of plot, some attempt at characterisation, and plenty of 'geek' moments (I still love the shots of the ancient tribes worshipping the predators as they stand atop pyramids). All things considered, it was good fun. Nowhere near as good as the Alien films (well, the first two at least) and probably not even as good as either Predator movie, but still a decent addition to the franchise.
AVP: Requiem, by contrast, is just a total mess and the problems are legion. For a start, most of the movie is filmed in the dark. Why? No idea. Perhaps the directors thought it would make it scarier. It doesn't. It makes it pointless, because you can't see what the hell is happening most of the time. Subsequently any decent action (if there actually was any) is wasted.
As for the plot, there isn't one. Aliens and a predator invade a small town, and everyone runs around screaming and panicking. That's about it. Characterisation is equally non-existent: the main leads are wooden and utterly lacking in depth. The script is horribly stiff and packed with crap one-liners. My favourite was the token pretty blonde squealing "We're not going to make it, are we?" in an attempt to generate some emotion. I just wish one of the other 'characters' had replied, "No, you're not going to make it. You see those nice aliens outside? They're going to forcibly remove you from the gene-pool so that the rest of humanity doesn't have to listen to your constant hysterics."
There aren't even any decent 'geek' moments for us geeks to enjoy. The main attraction was the fact that the 'boss' alien had predator characteristics (having burst forth from a predator) but this admittedly cool aspect was sadly lost in the darkness. The disappointing confrontation between the pred-alien and the predator (I think there was a fight, though I could be wrong) was a bit like watching two people have rampant sex in the dark. In fancy dress.
Overall, a shocking film and a total waste of the potential of the franchise.
Mark Z. Danielewski contest winner!
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