Fantasy Top Trumps!

Back in my primary school days (long time ago now!) most of my male classmates spent lunchtime either chasing after girls, kicking a football, or seeing how high they could piss up the wall in the toilet (I seem to recall one young man managed to hit the ceiling on one occasion, but his triumph was ruled out on the basis that he had a 'stiffy' at the time). Ahem.

Anyway, I spent my lunchtimes with my geek friends, playing with our Fantasy Top Trumps. Ah, the fun we had. My interest in the cards bordered on obsession - I could recount the ability scores of every single card from memory. Naturally, as we got older the cards were ditched in favour of more mature pursuits, like playing 'spin the bottle.'

Twenty-odd years on, with my original set of Fantasy Top Trumps long scattered to the four winds, I resigned myself to paying through my nose for a pack on ebay. Expensive, but worth it to recapture a bit of my lost youth...and something else besides (more on that in a minute). Anyway, I thought I'd share my favourite cards with you all. So, without further preamble...




Bet you've never seen a green vampire, eh? You have now. Always loved the representation of the Vampire here, how they've made him humanoid but with distinct bat-like features. His scores are respectable, but he's let down by his rather average Magic Power.




Love this dude - he looks utterly badass. The eyes glowing from the recesses of his hood, the scythe...awesome. Very decent scores as well, though the Wraith's Skill is his weakest point.



Joe Abercrombie's blog is called 'Hangin' like a Wizard's Sleeve' - perhaps he had this card in mind. The Necromancer has the most awesome wizard sleeves around. His purple robe is the business, too. Although why he's holding a giant twiglet remains to be explained. Very decent scores for this chap, though his weaker Fear Factor lets him down.



Ah, the Necromancer's arch spell-casting rival, the Wizard. He's gone for the 'glowing-eyes-in-dark-cowl' look as well. Doesn't perhaps look as intimidating as the Necromancer, but at least he's got a proper wizard staff (even if it has a tangerine impaled on the end, no doubt in case he gets peckish mid-fight). Don't mess with this chap, otherwise he'll suffocate you with the Blue Mist of Doom emanating from his hand. Interestingly, the Wizard's Magic Power is less than the Necromancer's (99 to the latter's 100) but he makes up for this with a higher Skill score (97 to 95) and higher Fear Factor (77 to 70). The strength score for both (80) is a bit of a joke, since the Dwarf card only has 70 for this attribute. Don't know about you, but I doubt a wizard white-beard could win an arm-wrestle with a dwarf. Still, stranger things have happened...



Check out that ginger 'fro! No wonder the Zombie wields an impressive Fear Factor of 90. Just a shame that his other scores all suck. Where the 70 for Magic Power came from, I don't know - can't say I've ever seen a zombie display any magical ability before...



Not sure what happened to the Water Troll's lower body; looks like the artist got bored and just drew a squiggle instead. Still, he still looks pretty awesome - love the seaweed mohican he's got there. The Water Troll is a pretty average card in terms of scores, but he was always one of my favourites.


Ah, the King. Now, listen up because this is where it gets interesting (and geeky). In normal packs, the King was the daddy - he scored 100 in every category. Subsequently, he was the source of many smug looks after the cards had been dealt, along with many a sore loser complaining 'You only won because you had the King, I'm not inviting you to my party now", and so on. But in this pack, the king doesn't have 100 in every category. Why? Well...



...because this chap does. Behold, my friends, the Demon card. This fella is rare. He only appears in the odd pack as a bonus card, and I didn't even know about his existence until I ventured onto ebay to hunt down a pack of these cards. I must admit I gave a squeal that could have been mistaken for a pig in distress. This is why the pack I won on ebay was so friggin' expensive - this card quadruples the normal asking price. But it was worth the extra expense. Look at him - can you feel the power emanating from him? CAN YOU? 'Intimidating' doesn't begin to cover it.

Anyway, those are my favourite cards from the legendary Fantasy Top Trumps set (I tell you now, they don't make Top Trumps like these anymore - it's all sports cars and Harry Potter, and so on).

Anyone out there ever play this game, and if so what were your favourite cards? I've also picked up a pack of 'Goblins and Faeriefolk' Top Trumps, which I may feature here at some point...