Sunday, 25 July 2010

Goodkind's 'Wizard's First Rule' gets pwned

I enjoyed this highly amusing dissection of Terry 'not very' Goodkind's Wizard's First Rule over the weekend, over at Pornokitsch.
"Wizard's First Rule is the inspiring story of Richard Cypher, who, despite being mentally-challenged, manages to eke out a living as a rustic guide in the hills of fantasy Alabama. His evil older brother picks on him a lot, but, despite the teasing and the beatings, Richard knows that he is loved.
In fact, Richard's small world is so filled with special love, that his father's horrific murder comes as shock (less so to the reader, as it occurs on page 2, before we've ever met the character). To recover, he spends his days stumbling about the hills of fantasy Alabama, grieving for a character that is completely unimportant to the reader and described in a purely functional way. On one of these wandering journeys, something new enters Richard's life: breasts.
Kahlan is the first woman to ever appear in fantasy Alabama, so when she shows up in her clingy, white, figure-hugging, completely-impractical cocktail dress and 5-inch spike heels, Richard is overcome with strange new sensations. When he first spots her, Kahlan is under attack by no less than four assassins, but, since they're all walking single file, they trip over Richard's engorged member and fall off a cliff."
Great stuff; be sure to check out the rest of the article.

2 comments:

DEZMOND said...

Too bad the TV show LEGEND OF THE SEEKER, made after this book, didn't stay true to the saga.

T.D. Newton said...

Hilarious post, read the whole thing over the weekend. I think my favorite part was "fantasy Alabama."

I didn't read the book until after I'd watched both seasons of LOTS. I was thoroughly confused by how much they changed to make the show "work." Specifically, why the book was named the "book of COUNTED shadows" and how long it took for Richard to find out what a Confessor was.

At any rate, I won't be going any further with Goodkind's flagship franchise... I just had to dip my toes in to find out first-hand what everyone else already knew.